“And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” I Corinthians 13:13
How easily the words ‘I love you’ seem to flow out of a person’s mouth, but what do they actually mean. It is almost impossible to find a definitive meaning for the word ‘love’. People use it to define their feelings for a house, a pet, a family member, a friend, or a partner. In each of these examples the word means something completely different to the person saying it. The ancient Greeks used four different words to describe what we Americans call love. How much easier it might be to express ourselves if we also used four different words.
I grew up in a home where the word was rarely used. My sister and I certainly knew our parents loved us, but it was rarely said. Perhaps that has a lot to do with the fact that I have in my adult life always gone out of the way to say it to the people who mean the most to me. I have never said it to very many people, but to the ones I care about the most I probably say it much too often. I know at least that it seems to scare some of the people to whom I say it.
Someone I care a great deal for asked me recently if I was sure the love I felt for him was a ‘healthy’ love. The question really surprised me because I did not realize you could feel ‘unhealthy’ love. Here was a prime example to me of how much easier it would be to explain ourselves if we did not use one word to describe so many different emotions. I found myself left with the dilemma of whether I should continue telling him I love him even knowing it makes him uncomfortable, or should I keep my feelings for him locked inside my shell?
There are other people in my life who tell me they love me, yet they flit in and out of my life like a sparrow from limb to limb. Maybe I expect too much from friendship more than most people are capable of giving. I never expect more though than I am willing to give back. Perhaps rather than love, it is my definition of the meaning of friendship that is so radically different from other people.
Paul in his letter describes love as the greatest of the three for without love there would be no faith or hope. Love seems the easiest of the three to achieve, but the hardest to understand. With faith one must be able to take a blind leap, with hope one must be able to think positively, but love just appears from nowhere to take over one’s heart. I have never given love easily, but once I do it is overwhelming. Perhaps I need to find a happy medium…
Monday, May 25, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Lies...Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32
When I was a kid two of my Dad’s favorite statements to make were, “There will be no liars there” and “Any intent to deceive is a lie.” He would of course say these to scare me into always telling him the truth. Well while the scare tactics never seemed to work on the young Jay, the older Jay has tried his best to be much more truthful. Being able to be completely honest with both yourself and everyone else would seem on the surface an easy thing to accomplish. I think most people are like me and find that not to be so.
When trying to be truthful with others, one has to first decide what exactly constitutes a lie. Is as my Dad tried to point out any relevant omission a lie? Is it fair to be truthful with someone if the facts would only serve to hurt the other person or to soothe your own conscience? Is it wrong for a gay person to remain in the closet to family or at work? Is it right for parents to tell their children there is an Easter Bunny? Of course that last one is silly, but following my Dad’s logic it would be considered a lie. Each person has to decide for themselves where to draw the line between truth and lie.
In my opinion being honest with yourself is an even harder prospect than with others. I imagine most people like to think of themselves as being a good person. I certainly feel sorry for those who do not. The question is, are we deluding ourselves with that thought? How do other people perceive us? Do we lie to people purposely out of spite or for our own personal gain? To really be honest with ourselves about whether we are a good person or not it is important to ask ourselves how we would feel if other people treated us the way we treat them.
When Jesus spoke of the truth setting us free, he was referring to the fact that he was the son of God sent to die for our sins. Does that statement though also hold in our everyday lives? Being completely honest will certainly set your mind free as it takes away the need to cover up your lies. For myself, I believe that I am fairly honest with myself in that I know I do not always treat others the way I should. I can certainly be catty, spiteful, and petty. Those are all issues that I need to work on. In being honest with others I know that I fall desperately short. Mainly that is because of fear. I am completely scared of how total honesty would affect the relationships in my life. So like the younger Jay, the old one still finds himself being less than truthful at times. Unlike the child though, the man is striving to be better…
When I was a kid two of my Dad’s favorite statements to make were, “There will be no liars there” and “Any intent to deceive is a lie.” He would of course say these to scare me into always telling him the truth. Well while the scare tactics never seemed to work on the young Jay, the older Jay has tried his best to be much more truthful. Being able to be completely honest with both yourself and everyone else would seem on the surface an easy thing to accomplish. I think most people are like me and find that not to be so.
When trying to be truthful with others, one has to first decide what exactly constitutes a lie. Is as my Dad tried to point out any relevant omission a lie? Is it fair to be truthful with someone if the facts would only serve to hurt the other person or to soothe your own conscience? Is it wrong for a gay person to remain in the closet to family or at work? Is it right for parents to tell their children there is an Easter Bunny? Of course that last one is silly, but following my Dad’s logic it would be considered a lie. Each person has to decide for themselves where to draw the line between truth and lie.
In my opinion being honest with yourself is an even harder prospect than with others. I imagine most people like to think of themselves as being a good person. I certainly feel sorry for those who do not. The question is, are we deluding ourselves with that thought? How do other people perceive us? Do we lie to people purposely out of spite or for our own personal gain? To really be honest with ourselves about whether we are a good person or not it is important to ask ourselves how we would feel if other people treated us the way we treat them.
When Jesus spoke of the truth setting us free, he was referring to the fact that he was the son of God sent to die for our sins. Does that statement though also hold in our everyday lives? Being completely honest will certainly set your mind free as it takes away the need to cover up your lies. For myself, I believe that I am fairly honest with myself in that I know I do not always treat others the way I should. I can certainly be catty, spiteful, and petty. Those are all issues that I need to work on. In being honest with others I know that I fall desperately short. Mainly that is because of fear. I am completely scared of how total honesty would affect the relationships in my life. So like the younger Jay, the old one still finds himself being less than truthful at times. Unlike the child though, the man is striving to be better…
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Mama Mia
“Honour thy father and thy mother:” Matthew 19:19
It is so hard to believe how fast this year is going by. We have already made it to Mother’s Day weekend. I asked my Mom if she wanted to go out for lunch on Sunday, but I think she wants me to come to her house instead. So I guess I will be making the trek out to her house. I will be the dutiful son and spend the afternoon with her and my sister listening to her complain that I have not gotten married and had grandchildren for her. Mom, wake up, I have lived with another single forty-something year old man for the last 21 years. Hello! Some people only allow themselves to believe what they want to believe.
Growing up with my Mom it is a wonder that I am in the least bit normal. Of course, I can hear my friends laughing at the thought of me being normal. I imagine the first 9 years of my life were sort of “Leave It To Beaver” like, but that all came to an abrupt end right before my tenth birthday. That was when my Mom who had always been abnormally close to her parents lost them at the same time in a car wreck. She went into a deep depression that lasted at least until I was in college. She would lock herself in her darkened room, take sleeping pills, and sleep most of the day and night. She would emerge on Sundays get dressed and attend church like nothing was wrong though. With her in that mood and my father working shift work, my sister and I were pretty much left to our own devices. My sister usually just stayed in her room studying when she was not at school. I would stay out of the house as much as possible. I would either roam the streets with groups of kids or stay at my best friend’s house and make believe he was my brother.
Now my Mom is 80, and acts as if she does not remember anything about our childhoods being odd. She truly thinks she was the perfect example of motherhood, and that the issues my sister and I now have to deal with are of our own making. My sister divorced in 1980, and has been alone for the last 29 years because my Mom drilled into her head the sin of divorce and remarriage. If I had allowed her beliefs to rule my life, I would have married and had children. Would she truly have been happier with 2 divorced, lonely children rather than having a son who has been in a loving gay relationship for over 22 years? The scary answer to that question is that yes she would.
Jesus instructed us to honour our Mother. That does not necessarily mean to obey, respect or even love. I do love my Mother and appreciate her having given me life. I do not respect her, nor her beliefs; and I definitely feel no compunction to obey her misguided rules. Do I follow Jesus commandment and honor her. Yes, I feel I do every single day by allowing her to live with her delusions.
It is so hard to believe how fast this year is going by. We have already made it to Mother’s Day weekend. I asked my Mom if she wanted to go out for lunch on Sunday, but I think she wants me to come to her house instead. So I guess I will be making the trek out to her house. I will be the dutiful son and spend the afternoon with her and my sister listening to her complain that I have not gotten married and had grandchildren for her. Mom, wake up, I have lived with another single forty-something year old man for the last 21 years. Hello! Some people only allow themselves to believe what they want to believe.
Growing up with my Mom it is a wonder that I am in the least bit normal. Of course, I can hear my friends laughing at the thought of me being normal. I imagine the first 9 years of my life were sort of “Leave It To Beaver” like, but that all came to an abrupt end right before my tenth birthday. That was when my Mom who had always been abnormally close to her parents lost them at the same time in a car wreck. She went into a deep depression that lasted at least until I was in college. She would lock herself in her darkened room, take sleeping pills, and sleep most of the day and night. She would emerge on Sundays get dressed and attend church like nothing was wrong though. With her in that mood and my father working shift work, my sister and I were pretty much left to our own devices. My sister usually just stayed in her room studying when she was not at school. I would stay out of the house as much as possible. I would either roam the streets with groups of kids or stay at my best friend’s house and make believe he was my brother.
Now my Mom is 80, and acts as if she does not remember anything about our childhoods being odd. She truly thinks she was the perfect example of motherhood, and that the issues my sister and I now have to deal with are of our own making. My sister divorced in 1980, and has been alone for the last 29 years because my Mom drilled into her head the sin of divorce and remarriage. If I had allowed her beliefs to rule my life, I would have married and had children. Would she truly have been happier with 2 divorced, lonely children rather than having a son who has been in a loving gay relationship for over 22 years? The scary answer to that question is that yes she would.
Jesus instructed us to honour our Mother. That does not necessarily mean to obey, respect or even love. I do love my Mother and appreciate her having given me life. I do not respect her, nor her beliefs; and I definitely feel no compunction to obey her misguided rules. Do I follow Jesus commandment and honor her. Yes, I feel I do every single day by allowing her to live with her delusions.
Friday, April 24, 2009
It's Now or Never
“ Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” Matthew 6:34
When I first started reading Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”, I thought that it seemed written specifically for me. I never realized that there were enough people who lived their lives thinking so much about the past and future that someone could make a living writing books about them. To be able to not fret over past mistakes or worry about future responsibilities seems like an unreachable dream. I tell friends all the time to live in the now that no other time is guaranteed, but to live by that creed myself is practically impossible.
Most of my time is spent anticipating some future event. I pick out an event such as a party, a concert, or a vacation and I survive my days by counting down to that event. Of course, as soon as that event arrives I am already trying to find me another event with which to look forward. My deepest depressions seem to come right after one of these events has passed when I do not have another one lined up in the wings.
How do I learn to live in the now? To enjoy each moment God has graciously given to me? Even as I sit here on Friday writing this blog part of my mind is dwelling on the fact that I do not have any special plans for this weekend. While I will be happy to have a weekend where nothing has to get done, still I realize that will leave my mind so much time to spend dreading Monday morning. I know already that I will wake up tomorrow morning and instead of taking a deep breath soaking in a beautiful day off; I will begin counting in my head the hours I have before being forced to return to the drudgeries of the work week.
Jesus tells us to not worry about our tomorrows that they will take care of themselves. He is trying to tell us in His own comforting way that the only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are living in at the present. Tolle stresses this same point more graphically in his book. Am I capable of taking this advice and relishing each moment in time? Can I lay down both my regrets of past mistakes and my fears of the future? I am not sure that I can change 46 years of thought processes, but I am trying.
Now what can I plan for tomorrow?
When I first started reading Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”, I thought that it seemed written specifically for me. I never realized that there were enough people who lived their lives thinking so much about the past and future that someone could make a living writing books about them. To be able to not fret over past mistakes or worry about future responsibilities seems like an unreachable dream. I tell friends all the time to live in the now that no other time is guaranteed, but to live by that creed myself is practically impossible.
Most of my time is spent anticipating some future event. I pick out an event such as a party, a concert, or a vacation and I survive my days by counting down to that event. Of course, as soon as that event arrives I am already trying to find me another event with which to look forward. My deepest depressions seem to come right after one of these events has passed when I do not have another one lined up in the wings.
How do I learn to live in the now? To enjoy each moment God has graciously given to me? Even as I sit here on Friday writing this blog part of my mind is dwelling on the fact that I do not have any special plans for this weekend. While I will be happy to have a weekend where nothing has to get done, still I realize that will leave my mind so much time to spend dreading Monday morning. I know already that I will wake up tomorrow morning and instead of taking a deep breath soaking in a beautiful day off; I will begin counting in my head the hours I have before being forced to return to the drudgeries of the work week.
Jesus tells us to not worry about our tomorrows that they will take care of themselves. He is trying to tell us in His own comforting way that the only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are living in at the present. Tolle stresses this same point more graphically in his book. Am I capable of taking this advice and relishing each moment in time? Can I lay down both my regrets of past mistakes and my fears of the future? I am not sure that I can change 46 years of thought processes, but I am trying.
Now what can I plan for tomorrow?
Friday, April 10, 2009
The Easter Parade
“He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.” Matthew 28:6
When I was a child all Easter meant to me was fun…Easter bunny, Easter basket full of candy, Easter egg hunts… the day had absolutely nothing to do with religion. Having grown up in the Church of Christ, we did not celebrate Christmas or Easter as religious holidays. Luckily for me though, unlike my one Jehovah’s Witness friend, we were allowed to celebrate them as man-made holidays. I can remember though always wondering why we did not celebrate Easter on Saturday, so to not have to break up the frivolity by having to go to church. How much simpler life was as a child.
Once I joined the Episcopal Church I came to realize what a significance other religions put on Easter. Quite a difference from having grown up being taught that yes we are supposed to celebrate the Lord’s resurrection, but we should do that every first day of the week. Now that I am not affiliated with any religion, I think Easter means more to me than ever before. I look at it as a day of renewal after a long, dark winter. A day to celebrate not only the sacrifice that Christ gave for us, but also all the miracles of life God has granted us.
My life right now is not in the best place. New rumors at work have us moving to a new building in July. This new building only holds about 200 people, which would mean around 80 of us would be losing our jobs between now and then. While I do not think I would be one of those at this point, it still makes a dismal working environment even darker. This new building is also about 15 miles from my house, as opposed to the 2 mile commute I have now. While my life away from work is actually in a good place right now, the worries of my job keep me from enjoying my free time.
What I would ask for myself during this time of celebration and renewal is the ability to forget the hassles of work as I walk out the door. To have the capability to close off my mind to things I have no control over would be a true miracle. To be able to enjoy my family, my friends, and this beautiful time of the year without this constant nagging in the back of my head would be true peace. During this time when we are celebrating Christ dying and being resurrected to save our souls, I pray for a little peace for my heart and my mind as well. May the peace of God be with us all!
When I was a child all Easter meant to me was fun…Easter bunny, Easter basket full of candy, Easter egg hunts… the day had absolutely nothing to do with religion. Having grown up in the Church of Christ, we did not celebrate Christmas or Easter as religious holidays. Luckily for me though, unlike my one Jehovah’s Witness friend, we were allowed to celebrate them as man-made holidays. I can remember though always wondering why we did not celebrate Easter on Saturday, so to not have to break up the frivolity by having to go to church. How much simpler life was as a child.
Once I joined the Episcopal Church I came to realize what a significance other religions put on Easter. Quite a difference from having grown up being taught that yes we are supposed to celebrate the Lord’s resurrection, but we should do that every first day of the week. Now that I am not affiliated with any religion, I think Easter means more to me than ever before. I look at it as a day of renewal after a long, dark winter. A day to celebrate not only the sacrifice that Christ gave for us, but also all the miracles of life God has granted us.
My life right now is not in the best place. New rumors at work have us moving to a new building in July. This new building only holds about 200 people, which would mean around 80 of us would be losing our jobs between now and then. While I do not think I would be one of those at this point, it still makes a dismal working environment even darker. This new building is also about 15 miles from my house, as opposed to the 2 mile commute I have now. While my life away from work is actually in a good place right now, the worries of my job keep me from enjoying my free time.
What I would ask for myself during this time of celebration and renewal is the ability to forget the hassles of work as I walk out the door. To have the capability to close off my mind to things I have no control over would be a true miracle. To be able to enjoy my family, my friends, and this beautiful time of the year without this constant nagging in the back of my head would be true peace. During this time when we are celebrating Christ dying and being resurrected to save our souls, I pray for a little peace for my heart and my mind as well. May the peace of God be with us all!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Friends In The Computer Age
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
For the last two weeks my internet has been down at my house. Actually had that occurred a few months ago, I would have hardly noticed. Times they are a changin’ though. I use to when thinking about keeping up with my friends would either have a long phone call or plan a lunch date, now it seems e-mails and facebook chat has come to rule my life. Is this a good thing or not? Martin would certainly say it has been bad since he had to buy a new pc since I never let him use our old one anymore.
It amazes me that with some of my closest friends my interaction is 90% on-line. I share thoughts and emotions with these people that I have always had problems sharing with friends in the past. I can only guess that the introvert in me has finally found this great way to be able to express himself without actual face-to-face or voice-to-voice contact. I have always found it easy to write down feelings that I would never be able to actually say to anyone. Internet chat has provided me a way to do that while actually sharing those thoughts with someone. Of course the problem is that there are times when I do have to interact personally with these friends, and when I do I am even more nervous and embarrassed than usual realizing how much they know about me.
Right now other than my partners, there are four people that I consider to be close friends. These are people that at one time or another I have shared things with that I would never dare share with my other friends. These are four men that I have such great love for that at times it scares the hell out of me. Each of them, though most do not realize it, has found a way to capture a part of my heart that leaves me feeling so vulnerable. I think with most people I am great at putting on this ‘cold bastard’ act, but in actuality I am so extremely sensitive. I worry constantly about how other people perceive me. Having these people who not only see some of the brightest parts of me, but also some of my darkest corners can really at times cause me fear. While I consider myself to be trustworthy, I have never been one who was able to easily trust others. I am now trying my best to combat these fears and allow myself to be more open. It is not an easy thing to do!
When Jesus compares our love for our friends with His love for us, it hardly seems fair. While most of us would like to think we would give up our lives for our friends, I think in reality giving a kidney might be further than most people would be willing to go. I believe though that in being willing to share those special private parts of ourselves we are in one way laying down our lives. When you have faith enough to completely expose a part of your soul to someone else… well to me that is the meaning of true friendship.
For the last two weeks my internet has been down at my house. Actually had that occurred a few months ago, I would have hardly noticed. Times they are a changin’ though. I use to when thinking about keeping up with my friends would either have a long phone call or plan a lunch date, now it seems e-mails and facebook chat has come to rule my life. Is this a good thing or not? Martin would certainly say it has been bad since he had to buy a new pc since I never let him use our old one anymore.
It amazes me that with some of my closest friends my interaction is 90% on-line. I share thoughts and emotions with these people that I have always had problems sharing with friends in the past. I can only guess that the introvert in me has finally found this great way to be able to express himself without actual face-to-face or voice-to-voice contact. I have always found it easy to write down feelings that I would never be able to actually say to anyone. Internet chat has provided me a way to do that while actually sharing those thoughts with someone. Of course the problem is that there are times when I do have to interact personally with these friends, and when I do I am even more nervous and embarrassed than usual realizing how much they know about me.
Right now other than my partners, there are four people that I consider to be close friends. These are people that at one time or another I have shared things with that I would never dare share with my other friends. These are four men that I have such great love for that at times it scares the hell out of me. Each of them, though most do not realize it, has found a way to capture a part of my heart that leaves me feeling so vulnerable. I think with most people I am great at putting on this ‘cold bastard’ act, but in actuality I am so extremely sensitive. I worry constantly about how other people perceive me. Having these people who not only see some of the brightest parts of me, but also some of my darkest corners can really at times cause me fear. While I consider myself to be trustworthy, I have never been one who was able to easily trust others. I am now trying my best to combat these fears and allow myself to be more open. It is not an easy thing to do!
When Jesus compares our love for our friends with His love for us, it hardly seems fair. While most of us would like to think we would give up our lives for our friends, I think in reality giving a kidney might be further than most people would be willing to go. I believe though that in being willing to share those special private parts of ourselves we are in one way laying down our lives. When you have faith enough to completely expose a part of your soul to someone else… well to me that is the meaning of true friendship.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Working 9 To 5...If Only
“For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.” II Thessalonians 3:10
The past two weekends before this last one had been so packed full of fun activities that I did not have time to let my usual ‘I hate work’ depression set in and keep me upset. This last weekend started out much the same with a nice potluck dinner at a friend’s house followed by attending a funny play ‘Southern Baptist Sissies’. The weekend slowly went downhill from there though. Saturday I discovered that my phone and internet services are completely out, and probably will not be restored for at least a week. On Sunday, Martin and I drove to Cullman to carry flowers to Lee’s gravesite. His 53rd birthday would have been on March 30th. Yes, those two days were the perfect set-up for my usual end of the weekend funk.
Does everyone hate their job, or is it just me? I know in the work climate that we all live in that I should be ecstatic to have a job of any kind. I have worked at the same company for over 25 years now. For 24 of those years, I did the same job one I knew like the back of my hand. There was absolutely no thinking involved. A lot of the jobs at our company are being moved to Texas, so about a year ago to preserve my employment I moved into a different department. I took a much harder job, with longer work hours for no more pay. Well we all no the ‘cannot teach an old dog new tricks’ statement, and in my case that has certainly been the truth.
The worse part of this job however is not the fact that most of it is way over my head complicated, but that I have to now on a regular basis deal with users both here and in Texas for whom I program. I am so incredibly introverted that I will sit at my desk for hours getting nothing done just dreading a 5 minute face-to-face meeting with someone. I waste so much time trying to figure out ways to get my job done through e-mails rather than vocally. Add that to the fact that all of us who work here know we are living on borrowed time. The day will come either sooner or later when all our jobs are moved to Texas. The scariest part of that is that it could happen today or 5 years from now without warning.
I know that not only do people have to work to survive, but according to God people should work. He expects everyone to earn their way in this world He has given to us. I have no problem with that with the proof that I have worked at the same company for all these years, and have always been considered by my bosses and co-workers to be an exemplary employee. My largest problem with my job is that I constantly worry about it. At night, I lie in bed thinking about what I have to get done at work the next day, and scared that I am going to be too tired to perform because of my lack of sleep. On weekends I find it hard to make myself do anything enjoyable because I am constantly dreading the following Monday. If only I could learn to leave the worries of this job at the door, I think I would be able to take a large step toward my overall happiness. If only…those words make up so much of my life.
The past two weekends before this last one had been so packed full of fun activities that I did not have time to let my usual ‘I hate work’ depression set in and keep me upset. This last weekend started out much the same with a nice potluck dinner at a friend’s house followed by attending a funny play ‘Southern Baptist Sissies’. The weekend slowly went downhill from there though. Saturday I discovered that my phone and internet services are completely out, and probably will not be restored for at least a week. On Sunday, Martin and I drove to Cullman to carry flowers to Lee’s gravesite. His 53rd birthday would have been on March 30th. Yes, those two days were the perfect set-up for my usual end of the weekend funk.
Does everyone hate their job, or is it just me? I know in the work climate that we all live in that I should be ecstatic to have a job of any kind. I have worked at the same company for over 25 years now. For 24 of those years, I did the same job one I knew like the back of my hand. There was absolutely no thinking involved. A lot of the jobs at our company are being moved to Texas, so about a year ago to preserve my employment I moved into a different department. I took a much harder job, with longer work hours for no more pay. Well we all no the ‘cannot teach an old dog new tricks’ statement, and in my case that has certainly been the truth.
The worse part of this job however is not the fact that most of it is way over my head complicated, but that I have to now on a regular basis deal with users both here and in Texas for whom I program. I am so incredibly introverted that I will sit at my desk for hours getting nothing done just dreading a 5 minute face-to-face meeting with someone. I waste so much time trying to figure out ways to get my job done through e-mails rather than vocally. Add that to the fact that all of us who work here know we are living on borrowed time. The day will come either sooner or later when all our jobs are moved to Texas. The scariest part of that is that it could happen today or 5 years from now without warning.
I know that not only do people have to work to survive, but according to God people should work. He expects everyone to earn their way in this world He has given to us. I have no problem with that with the proof that I have worked at the same company for all these years, and have always been considered by my bosses and co-workers to be an exemplary employee. My largest problem with my job is that I constantly worry about it. At night, I lie in bed thinking about what I have to get done at work the next day, and scared that I am going to be too tired to perform because of my lack of sleep. On weekends I find it hard to make myself do anything enjoyable because I am constantly dreading the following Monday. If only I could learn to leave the worries of this job at the door, I think I would be able to take a large step toward my overall happiness. If only…those words make up so much of my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)