"Ye observe days, and months, and times, and years.” Galatians 4:10
I find it almost impossible to believe that it has been an entire year since I wrote my first blog. I originally got the courage to start writing at the urging of a special friend who thought it might help me find peace with my thoughts. Truthfully I cannot say whether or not it has been a success.
How should a person measure a year in their life? This year has been much like any other in my life full of ups and downs. I forced myself to come out of my self-imposed exile by allowing many new people into my life. I joined a gay hiking group which has certainly served to bring me out of my shell a good bit, but still have not found the courage to attend any events unless Martin was going also. I made three very dear new friends and strengthened two old friendships, but most of these seem to be waning. While life at home continues to be happy, life at work only gets worse especially with our move to the new building rapidly approaching. Other than my depression, my health seems to be very good though I am fearful of what the eye doctor will find when I return to him in May. So no matter how far it seems I progress, still I keep sliding backward.
So what should I do in the year to come? Should I continue to forge ahead enjoying my new openness which has brought a lot of happiness with it, but also leaves me vulnerable to so much pain? Or should I sink back into that dismal little corner where I feel so secure, but so unhappy?
Paul is correct we humans do seem to feel the need to observe anniversaries. Well this my first anniversary blog is my 27th overall. I am not sure if during the next year I will write more or less, but I do plan to continue to write as the spirit moves me. No, I am not sure if it has brought any contentment to my soul, but it has given me a feeling of release each time I write down thoughts that I am too scared to contemplate in any other way. It has certainly seemed a better outlet for my emotions than drinking my self silly or crying myself to sleep. Here is hoping that my second anniversary blog will find my attitude, my health, my life much improved! Guess I better get busy working on that since it is only 525,600 minutes away…
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