“Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.” I Samuel 18:3
Just about a year ago, I made a new friend. While you might say what is the big deal…my answer would be that it had been a long time prior since I had last allowed someone to grab a piece of my heart. I had pretty much thoroughly shut myself off from new people and new experiences. I was scared to take the chance of being hurt or of hurting someone else. One night last February though I let down my guard for just a moment, and this guy wormed his way into my life.
I am not sure that either of us realized at the time what we were getting ourselves into, since we are both quite a handful. I imagine at the time neither of us would have even believed that we would still be close a year later. I certainly did not! I was completely taken off guard that someone I hardly knew could so quickly become one of my closest friends. Yet here we are a scant year later, and I cannot imagine life without him in it.
Our friendship has seen a year of highs and lows, ups and downs, mistakes and apologies, and has endured. Not sure if that has been easy for him, but for me it has been quite a challenge. There have been times when I wonder how I could survive without him in my life, and other times when I think how two such diverse people could hope to maintain a close relationship. Our hopes, desires and needs from a friendship seem at times to be so different that they are irreconcilable, yet anytime we start drifting apart we quickly rebound. Since the day our friendship first blossomed, his life has been in turmoil. Perhaps that is why he needed me… On that day, my life had become one of sheltered emotions. Perhaps that is why I needed him…
Jonathan and David are the greatest example of true friendship not only in the Bible, but in any literary work. While I have no idea where our friendship will be once another year passes, like the Bible pair I have made a covenant with him. No matter how far apart our lives take us there will never be a day he cannot call on me if needed.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Winter Wonderland
“Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.” Ecclesiastes 7:3
Webster’s defines the word depression as ‘a state of feeling sad’. I hardly think that definition goes far enough. Sadness is a normal state of being that every human must deal with at different points in their life. I feel depression on the other hand is when you have such an overwhelming feeling of sadness that you think there is no way to ever dig out from under it. I feel that I have personally combated depression all my life, but it always intensifies each winter.
My mood begins to grow worse as soon as fall arrives the moment I start noticing the days are growing shorter and the nights are growing colder. By the time winter arrives I feel all happiness has gone from the world. I find it almost impossible to get up in the mornings, and all I want to do at night is have a drink and go to bed. While it would not solve all my problems with depression, I feel a good 5 month hibernation cycle would certainly help.
Unfortunately, I cannot just drink and sleep my cares away! Instead I have to force myself to face each day, and forge through. During the week my mind stays focused on work so much that I have little time to think about other issues, while on weekends I usually try to keep myself too busy to dwell on my problems. This past weekend though was a very uneventful one for me, and while my physical body was happy for the rest it was hard on my mental well-being. I had much too much time on my hands to dwell on my personal issues, and feel sorry for myself.
The last week was not a good one for me at all. I received some rather distressing news about my health which while not completely horrible was certainly a shock. Work and extracurricular activities keep Martin so busy that we hardly ever have time to talk. Joe was sick all week himself, and while I know he is fine still since his heart surgery I worry anytime he is ill for more than a couple of days. The few friendships that I count on seem to be more distant each day. My oldest friend I seem to ask too much of, and though he does not complain I know it is not fair of me. A new friendship that I have been trying to cultivate seems to be going nowhere. Neither of us really have the time to spend with each other which is needed in the early stages of a relationship. The friend I have been closest to over the last year is pulling away a little at a time. More than likely I have asked too much of him also.
Sometimes…most times I am just so scared and lonely. One of the prophets tells us that sorrow is better than happiness because it makes the heart stronger. If that is the case then mine must be beating with great strength. I am sure that I am taking that verse out of context though. I think maybe it is telling me instead that I need to start working on my own attitude. It is not the responsibility of those around me who touch my life to make me happy. I am sure happiness is out there I just need to have the strength of will to go find it. Hopefully now that the days are getting slightly longer as winter winds down laughter will once again find a way into my heart.
Webster’s defines the word depression as ‘a state of feeling sad’. I hardly think that definition goes far enough. Sadness is a normal state of being that every human must deal with at different points in their life. I feel depression on the other hand is when you have such an overwhelming feeling of sadness that you think there is no way to ever dig out from under it. I feel that I have personally combated depression all my life, but it always intensifies each winter.
My mood begins to grow worse as soon as fall arrives the moment I start noticing the days are growing shorter and the nights are growing colder. By the time winter arrives I feel all happiness has gone from the world. I find it almost impossible to get up in the mornings, and all I want to do at night is have a drink and go to bed. While it would not solve all my problems with depression, I feel a good 5 month hibernation cycle would certainly help.
Unfortunately, I cannot just drink and sleep my cares away! Instead I have to force myself to face each day, and forge through. During the week my mind stays focused on work so much that I have little time to think about other issues, while on weekends I usually try to keep myself too busy to dwell on my problems. This past weekend though was a very uneventful one for me, and while my physical body was happy for the rest it was hard on my mental well-being. I had much too much time on my hands to dwell on my personal issues, and feel sorry for myself.
The last week was not a good one for me at all. I received some rather distressing news about my health which while not completely horrible was certainly a shock. Work and extracurricular activities keep Martin so busy that we hardly ever have time to talk. Joe was sick all week himself, and while I know he is fine still since his heart surgery I worry anytime he is ill for more than a couple of days. The few friendships that I count on seem to be more distant each day. My oldest friend I seem to ask too much of, and though he does not complain I know it is not fair of me. A new friendship that I have been trying to cultivate seems to be going nowhere. Neither of us really have the time to spend with each other which is needed in the early stages of a relationship. The friend I have been closest to over the last year is pulling away a little at a time. More than likely I have asked too much of him also.
Sometimes…most times I am just so scared and lonely. One of the prophets tells us that sorrow is better than happiness because it makes the heart stronger. If that is the case then mine must be beating with great strength. I am sure that I am taking that verse out of context though. I think maybe it is telling me instead that I need to start working on my own attitude. It is not the responsibility of those around me who touch my life to make me happy. I am sure happiness is out there I just need to have the strength of will to go find it. Hopefully now that the days are getting slightly longer as winter winds down laughter will once again find a way into my heart.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
This Masquerade
“The eye also of the adulterer waiteth for the twilight, saying, No eye shall see me: and disguiseth his face.” Job 24:15
I probably should preface this with an apology to a special friend of mine for having stolen the topic for this blog from him. Recently he wrote a really outstanding blog about the masks that we each wear which inspired me to write about my own masks. Hopefully he will forgive my creative license.
Having been born a gay man in a highly religious household, I learned to wear masks very early in my life. That was not the only mask I wore as a child though. I was perceived as the perfect child…quiet, good grades, did not smoke, did not drink, did not have sex, did not do drugs, did not cuss…hell that sounds boring!. It would have been boring too except that was not me. Yes, I did make good grades, but not because I studied simply because book learning came easy to me. All the rest I most definitely did, but my family only saw the mask of perfection I allowed them to see.
As I moved into adulthood, I began to compartmentalize my life into small groups of family, work, and 2 or 3 different friend groups. Each of these groups knew Jay, but they each knew a completely different Jay none of whom was the true man behind the masks. At first I lived in fear of two of the groups crossing paths, but later became adept at showing two-faces at the same time when these unavoidable occurrences happened.
Now at 47 years of age I have so many masks in my repertoire that I even have a hard time remembering what the true face of Jay looks like. At work I am thought of by my colleagues as a hard-worker, always on time, never complaining, who likes all his fellow employees. Ask any of my co-workers and they would say that Jay is a happy guy who likes and gets along with everyone.
To my birth family, I am still that ideal of perfection. Sure my Mom would say it would be nice if he would settle down and have me some grandchildren, but there is still time. I could not ask for a more loving son. My sister would tell you that I am the rock she leans on at all times - the foundation that holds our family together.
In my partnerships, I miraculously seem to be whatever each has needed. To Lee, I was the perfect pal: the one who loved to work in the yard with him, to collect beautiful things, and to curl up on the couch and listen to his latest favorite music for hours on end. To Martin, I was his ideal: the one to go on exotic trips with, to watch movies or cuddle by a fire, and the one who would never think of straying. To Joe, I was his soul mate: the one who was different than all the rest, the one who brought excitement without fear, and the one who was just a little dirty around the edges.
My friends each see a different face molded to what I think they need or expect. This disguise can change on a moments notice if I ever perceive the need. I constantly find myself reacting to words, actions, or my perception of what their thoughts are and trying to make myself be what I think they want in a friend. Perhaps the reason I have so few close friends is because it must be hard to get to know someone who seems to change on a daily basis.
So why do I feel the need for so many disguises? Why continue to hide the true Jay behind the masks I feel people have come to expect? Fear! Fear of losing everyone, and being left alone in the darkness of my mind. Fear at work I would either be fired or it would become even more unbearable. Fear my birth family would want nothing to do with a gay son. Fear my partners would set me adrift never to know their love again. Fear my friends would slowly disappear out of my life as so many before them have done. Fear that I would not recognize the man behind the mask! So much like the adulterer who waits for twilight…I stay hidden behind my disguise.
I probably should preface this with an apology to a special friend of mine for having stolen the topic for this blog from him. Recently he wrote a really outstanding blog about the masks that we each wear which inspired me to write about my own masks. Hopefully he will forgive my creative license.
Having been born a gay man in a highly religious household, I learned to wear masks very early in my life. That was not the only mask I wore as a child though. I was perceived as the perfect child…quiet, good grades, did not smoke, did not drink, did not have sex, did not do drugs, did not cuss…hell that sounds boring!. It would have been boring too except that was not me. Yes, I did make good grades, but not because I studied simply because book learning came easy to me. All the rest I most definitely did, but my family only saw the mask of perfection I allowed them to see.
As I moved into adulthood, I began to compartmentalize my life into small groups of family, work, and 2 or 3 different friend groups. Each of these groups knew Jay, but they each knew a completely different Jay none of whom was the true man behind the masks. At first I lived in fear of two of the groups crossing paths, but later became adept at showing two-faces at the same time when these unavoidable occurrences happened.
Now at 47 years of age I have so many masks in my repertoire that I even have a hard time remembering what the true face of Jay looks like. At work I am thought of by my colleagues as a hard-worker, always on time, never complaining, who likes all his fellow employees. Ask any of my co-workers and they would say that Jay is a happy guy who likes and gets along with everyone.
To my birth family, I am still that ideal of perfection. Sure my Mom would say it would be nice if he would settle down and have me some grandchildren, but there is still time. I could not ask for a more loving son. My sister would tell you that I am the rock she leans on at all times - the foundation that holds our family together.
In my partnerships, I miraculously seem to be whatever each has needed. To Lee, I was the perfect pal: the one who loved to work in the yard with him, to collect beautiful things, and to curl up on the couch and listen to his latest favorite music for hours on end. To Martin, I was his ideal: the one to go on exotic trips with, to watch movies or cuddle by a fire, and the one who would never think of straying. To Joe, I was his soul mate: the one who was different than all the rest, the one who brought excitement without fear, and the one who was just a little dirty around the edges.
My friends each see a different face molded to what I think they need or expect. This disguise can change on a moments notice if I ever perceive the need. I constantly find myself reacting to words, actions, or my perception of what their thoughts are and trying to make myself be what I think they want in a friend. Perhaps the reason I have so few close friends is because it must be hard to get to know someone who seems to change on a daily basis.
So why do I feel the need for so many disguises? Why continue to hide the true Jay behind the masks I feel people have come to expect? Fear! Fear of losing everyone, and being left alone in the darkness of my mind. Fear at work I would either be fired or it would become even more unbearable. Fear my birth family would want nothing to do with a gay son. Fear my partners would set me adrift never to know their love again. Fear my friends would slowly disappear out of my life as so many before them have done. Fear that I would not recognize the man behind the mask! So much like the adulterer who waits for twilight…I stay hidden behind my disguise.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Martini Madness
“The Son of man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold a gluttonous man, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners!” Luke 7:34
Growing up in my parent’s house there was absolutely no alcohol allowed. We were taught from an early age that any drinking was a sin. Of course, that did not stop me from drinking starting at the age of 15. It just made it a little more difficult to hide. Even though we had both been drinking for years, I think I was about 20 and my sister 25 before we admitted to each other that we drank. Even though I started drinking fairly early in life, I never drank a lot. I was truly the definition of a ‘social’ drinker.
Recently though, I have started worrying about whether I might be drinking too much. In 2008 and the 10 years prior, I probably went to a bar on the average of 4 times a year. In 2009, I upped that to more like 4 times a month. Now here we are early in 2010, and just this week alone I have already gone out drinking 4 times. The problem is that I realize I am not doing it because I like the taste, but more to dull the pain and sadness that I feel. While I use to come home from work and either work in the yard or ride my exercise bike, now instead I head straight for the liquor cabinet.
Life at work seems to get more unbearable every day. I work my ass off in a job that I am so under-qualified for just trying to keep my head above water. I sit and watch new employees who hardly ever work get promotions and large raises, while the 26 year veteran is told you are a great asset and we are doing all we can for you.
Life at home while certainly not full of the stress that I feel at work is still full of sadness. Martin does not understand why I spend so much time crying always worrying that he has done something wrong. Joe I think is just happy he has his own home to escape to at times. So many of my friends seem to have pulled away into their own worlds, while the few that I count on the most I expect too much of and burn them out.
Verses in both Matthew and Luke assure me that drinking is not a sin, since Jesus himself drank on occasion. What I think is wrong is over-indulgence in anything. Is that what I am doing is the question I must ask myself? While I do not truthfully think the amount of alcohol I am consuming is an indulgence, I believe my problem comes in the reason for my drinking. Without it though I cannot imagine how much more I would find myself crying. Would you not think that an over-indulgence of sadness is wrong as well? I have actually had a couple of happy days already this year, but neither of them was totally liquor-free. I wonder if it is even possible for me to have even a semblance of happiness without drinking some. I wonder if I will ever have the strength and courage to find out…
Growing up in my parent’s house there was absolutely no alcohol allowed. We were taught from an early age that any drinking was a sin. Of course, that did not stop me from drinking starting at the age of 15. It just made it a little more difficult to hide. Even though we had both been drinking for years, I think I was about 20 and my sister 25 before we admitted to each other that we drank. Even though I started drinking fairly early in life, I never drank a lot. I was truly the definition of a ‘social’ drinker.
Recently though, I have started worrying about whether I might be drinking too much. In 2008 and the 10 years prior, I probably went to a bar on the average of 4 times a year. In 2009, I upped that to more like 4 times a month. Now here we are early in 2010, and just this week alone I have already gone out drinking 4 times. The problem is that I realize I am not doing it because I like the taste, but more to dull the pain and sadness that I feel. While I use to come home from work and either work in the yard or ride my exercise bike, now instead I head straight for the liquor cabinet.
Life at work seems to get more unbearable every day. I work my ass off in a job that I am so under-qualified for just trying to keep my head above water. I sit and watch new employees who hardly ever work get promotions and large raises, while the 26 year veteran is told you are a great asset and we are doing all we can for you.
Life at home while certainly not full of the stress that I feel at work is still full of sadness. Martin does not understand why I spend so much time crying always worrying that he has done something wrong. Joe I think is just happy he has his own home to escape to at times. So many of my friends seem to have pulled away into their own worlds, while the few that I count on the most I expect too much of and burn them out.
Verses in both Matthew and Luke assure me that drinking is not a sin, since Jesus himself drank on occasion. What I think is wrong is over-indulgence in anything. Is that what I am doing is the question I must ask myself? While I do not truthfully think the amount of alcohol I am consuming is an indulgence, I believe my problem comes in the reason for my drinking. Without it though I cannot imagine how much more I would find myself crying. Would you not think that an over-indulgence of sadness is wrong as well? I have actually had a couple of happy days already this year, but neither of them was totally liquor-free. I wonder if it is even possible for me to have even a semblance of happiness without drinking some. I wonder if I will ever have the strength and courage to find out…
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Auld Lang Syne
“Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil.” Jeremiah 13:23
I remember when I was about 14 years old thinking the year 1980 would never arrive. I thought finally graduating from high school would be the best. Now it is 2010, and I am thinking there is no way it has been 30 years since I graduated. Where did all those years go?
At the beginning of last year, Martin had recently started branching out and enlarging his friendship base. Because of my innate shyness and my poor self-image, I have always found it difficult to cultivate new friendships. I decided though to at least open myself up to the possibility that there were new people out there who would welcome my friendship. The results of this decision made 2009 both one of the happiest and saddest of my life. I have met so many new people over the past year some of whom have become extremely meaningful to my life. These new friends have brought into my life joy and thrills beyond belief, but also disappointment and sorrow. Maybe I had just become so accustomed to my existing friends that I did not notice the ups and downs as much as I seem to with these new relationships. Whatever though I found my heart to be stuck on a rollercoaster ride.
For someone like myself who has always been a little manic-depressive the year 2009 became quite a challenge. I have all my life found it hard to find a calm balance between laughter and tears. So in a year where my job situation continued to go downhill, opening up my heart really kept me off kilter. While my new friends had brought with them so many new, fun, and exciting experiences still I could not count how many nights I ended up crying myself to sleep. As the year drew to a close, I began to think that perhaps one of my 2010 resolutions should be to withdraw back into my shell. I thought maybe it would be best to not allow myself to be open to such fluctuations in emotions.
Each year I find myself making a few resolutions only to break most of them by the end of January. Like the leopard, I find it almost impossible to change my spots. My behavior is so engrained into my personality that I have no idea how to change. I am much too weak to stop drinking, much too lazy to do the extra work around the house I keep putting off, much too scared to walk out on a job I have had for 26 years, and love much too much to give up on friendships that have encompassed my heart. I quickly realized over just the first weekend of this year there was no way I could close myself away again. I decided to forget all the silly resolutions I make and break each year. I decided to forget the impossible resolution to try and distance myself from my heart. Instead I decided to make just one resolution to simply try and have ten truly happy days during 2010. Perhaps that does not sound like a lofty goal, but for me it is a start…
I remember when I was about 14 years old thinking the year 1980 would never arrive. I thought finally graduating from high school would be the best. Now it is 2010, and I am thinking there is no way it has been 30 years since I graduated. Where did all those years go?
At the beginning of last year, Martin had recently started branching out and enlarging his friendship base. Because of my innate shyness and my poor self-image, I have always found it difficult to cultivate new friendships. I decided though to at least open myself up to the possibility that there were new people out there who would welcome my friendship. The results of this decision made 2009 both one of the happiest and saddest of my life. I have met so many new people over the past year some of whom have become extremely meaningful to my life. These new friends have brought into my life joy and thrills beyond belief, but also disappointment and sorrow. Maybe I had just become so accustomed to my existing friends that I did not notice the ups and downs as much as I seem to with these new relationships. Whatever though I found my heart to be stuck on a rollercoaster ride.
For someone like myself who has always been a little manic-depressive the year 2009 became quite a challenge. I have all my life found it hard to find a calm balance between laughter and tears. So in a year where my job situation continued to go downhill, opening up my heart really kept me off kilter. While my new friends had brought with them so many new, fun, and exciting experiences still I could not count how many nights I ended up crying myself to sleep. As the year drew to a close, I began to think that perhaps one of my 2010 resolutions should be to withdraw back into my shell. I thought maybe it would be best to not allow myself to be open to such fluctuations in emotions.
Each year I find myself making a few resolutions only to break most of them by the end of January. Like the leopard, I find it almost impossible to change my spots. My behavior is so engrained into my personality that I have no idea how to change. I am much too weak to stop drinking, much too lazy to do the extra work around the house I keep putting off, much too scared to walk out on a job I have had for 26 years, and love much too much to give up on friendships that have encompassed my heart. I quickly realized over just the first weekend of this year there was no way I could close myself away again. I decided to forget all the silly resolutions I make and break each year. I decided to forget the impossible resolution to try and distance myself from my heart. Instead I decided to make just one resolution to simply try and have ten truly happy days during 2010. Perhaps that does not sound like a lofty goal, but for me it is a start…
Sunday, December 27, 2009
A Day Late, and a Dollar Short
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” Luke 2:14
Actually two days late, but you get the drift. While growing up Christmas was a big celebration, though not a religious one. We celebrated it as just a gift giving holiday which had nothing to do with the birth of Jesus. On Christmas day my parents, sister, and I would gather with our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins at my eldest aunt’s house. There would be forty or fifty people eating lunch and enjoying each other’s company. This Christmas my Mom, sister, and I simply gathered around a pot of spaghetti to celebrate the holiday. My 48th Christmas was certainly very low key, as I wish the rest of my life could be.
Now we are less than a week away from yet another new year. How impossible it seems that we have now gone ten years since we all celebrated and worried about Y2K. This first decade of the 21st century has certainly been one of turmoil for me. The loss of both Lee and my Father, the changes in my job status, the slow separation from so many friends, and the general aging process have all called me to task. How I pray for peace in the new year…the new decade!
This year I went to Christmas Eve mass celebrating the birth of Jesus in ways I never did as a child. Whether it is something God wishes us to do or not, I cannot say. I do know that it helped to lighten the burdens I carry in my heart for at least a couple of hours, and for that I do give glory to God!
It has been four months since I found time to write a blog. I certainly had thoughts I wished to write down during this time, but seemed never to find the time. Truthfully it seems more like four weeks as my life continues to rush by. Some days now I feel so old that all I wish to do is to lie in bed and remember better days. Still this year I have allowed myself to open up my heart some. I have both made and loss friends. They have filled my heart with both joy and sorrow…only time will tell if I made the right choices. A day late, and a dollar short seems to be the perfect line to describe me. Rather than being at peace with my decisions, I seem to always be regretting my choices. Perhaps in the coming year, I can learn to put away regrets.
Now especially during this time when we all reflect on what the birth of our Savior means to us it is the perfect time to look within ourselves. To see what changes we can make in our own lives, instead of always basing our happiness on how others perceive us. As 2009 draws to a close, I continue to give glory to God and pray for peace not just for myself, but for all of you who daily touch my heart. Each of you know who you are and know hopefully even when I seem withdrawn and in dark despair my love for you never wavers…
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Not Enough Stones
”So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” John 8:7
Last night I laid in bed tossing and turning as I cried myself to sleep. Unfortunately that has become more and more of a regular occurrence over the last few weeks. While trying to fall asleep, one of the things that kept going through my mind was the idea of a blog I felt compelled to write. The problem was I could not come up with the proper words to say to express my feelings. Then I remembered a poem that I had loved in high school. The words of Earline Rose seemed to perfectly describe the thoughts I was trying to convey.
‘Faults’
As you sift the faults of others
Just to see what you can find,
And the words you speak about them
Are often times unkind,
Let the thought be ever present,
When you start to criticize,
That his faults may be less noticed
When viewed by other eyes.
For when we truly love someone,
His faults are hard to find,
And when they glare right out at us,
Somehow we do not mind.
Instead of searching for his faults,
Which seem to be galore,
Just let him know you really care…
Then learn to love him more.
It seems to me that people so quickly cast dispersions on other people sometimes out of anger, sometimes for a quick laugh, and sometimes just for meanness. I know I have often caught myself doing the same thing. Jesus teaches that we should never throw stones at others because not one of us is completely innocent. Maybe instead of being angry with people who do not follow this rule, I should instead just try to lead by example. I think it is time for us all to realize that there are not enough stones for all our faults…
Last night I laid in bed tossing and turning as I cried myself to sleep. Unfortunately that has become more and more of a regular occurrence over the last few weeks. While trying to fall asleep, one of the things that kept going through my mind was the idea of a blog I felt compelled to write. The problem was I could not come up with the proper words to say to express my feelings. Then I remembered a poem that I had loved in high school. The words of Earline Rose seemed to perfectly describe the thoughts I was trying to convey.
‘Faults’
As you sift the faults of others
Just to see what you can find,
And the words you speak about them
Are often times unkind,
Let the thought be ever present,
When you start to criticize,
That his faults may be less noticed
When viewed by other eyes.
For when we truly love someone,
His faults are hard to find,
And when they glare right out at us,
Somehow we do not mind.
Instead of searching for his faults,
Which seem to be galore,
Just let him know you really care…
Then learn to love him more.
It seems to me that people so quickly cast dispersions on other people sometimes out of anger, sometimes for a quick laugh, and sometimes just for meanness. I know I have often caught myself doing the same thing. Jesus teaches that we should never throw stones at others because not one of us is completely innocent. Maybe instead of being angry with people who do not follow this rule, I should instead just try to lead by example. I think it is time for us all to realize that there are not enough stones for all our faults…
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