“ Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” Matthew 6:34
When I first started reading Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”, I thought that it seemed written specifically for me. I never realized that there were enough people who lived their lives thinking so much about the past and future that someone could make a living writing books about them. To be able to not fret over past mistakes or worry about future responsibilities seems like an unreachable dream. I tell friends all the time to live in the now that no other time is guaranteed, but to live by that creed myself is practically impossible.
Most of my time is spent anticipating some future event. I pick out an event such as a party, a concert, or a vacation and I survive my days by counting down to that event. Of course, as soon as that event arrives I am already trying to find me another event with which to look forward. My deepest depressions seem to come right after one of these events has passed when I do not have another one lined up in the wings.
How do I learn to live in the now? To enjoy each moment God has graciously given to me? Even as I sit here on Friday writing this blog part of my mind is dwelling on the fact that I do not have any special plans for this weekend. While I will be happy to have a weekend where nothing has to get done, still I realize that will leave my mind so much time to spend dreading Monday morning. I know already that I will wake up tomorrow morning and instead of taking a deep breath soaking in a beautiful day off; I will begin counting in my head the hours I have before being forced to return to the drudgeries of the work week.
Jesus tells us to not worry about our tomorrows that they will take care of themselves. He is trying to tell us in His own comforting way that the only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are living in at the present. Tolle stresses this same point more graphically in his book. Am I capable of taking this advice and relishing each moment in time? Can I lay down both my regrets of past mistakes and my fears of the future? I am not sure that I can change 46 years of thought processes, but I am trying.
Now what can I plan for tomorrow?
Friday, April 24, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
The Easter Parade
“He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.” Matthew 28:6
When I was a child all Easter meant to me was fun…Easter bunny, Easter basket full of candy, Easter egg hunts… the day had absolutely nothing to do with religion. Having grown up in the Church of Christ, we did not celebrate Christmas or Easter as religious holidays. Luckily for me though, unlike my one Jehovah’s Witness friend, we were allowed to celebrate them as man-made holidays. I can remember though always wondering why we did not celebrate Easter on Saturday, so to not have to break up the frivolity by having to go to church. How much simpler life was as a child.
Once I joined the Episcopal Church I came to realize what a significance other religions put on Easter. Quite a difference from having grown up being taught that yes we are supposed to celebrate the Lord’s resurrection, but we should do that every first day of the week. Now that I am not affiliated with any religion, I think Easter means more to me than ever before. I look at it as a day of renewal after a long, dark winter. A day to celebrate not only the sacrifice that Christ gave for us, but also all the miracles of life God has granted us.
My life right now is not in the best place. New rumors at work have us moving to a new building in July. This new building only holds about 200 people, which would mean around 80 of us would be losing our jobs between now and then. While I do not think I would be one of those at this point, it still makes a dismal working environment even darker. This new building is also about 15 miles from my house, as opposed to the 2 mile commute I have now. While my life away from work is actually in a good place right now, the worries of my job keep me from enjoying my free time.
What I would ask for myself during this time of celebration and renewal is the ability to forget the hassles of work as I walk out the door. To have the capability to close off my mind to things I have no control over would be a true miracle. To be able to enjoy my family, my friends, and this beautiful time of the year without this constant nagging in the back of my head would be true peace. During this time when we are celebrating Christ dying and being resurrected to save our souls, I pray for a little peace for my heart and my mind as well. May the peace of God be with us all!
When I was a child all Easter meant to me was fun…Easter bunny, Easter basket full of candy, Easter egg hunts… the day had absolutely nothing to do with religion. Having grown up in the Church of Christ, we did not celebrate Christmas or Easter as religious holidays. Luckily for me though, unlike my one Jehovah’s Witness friend, we were allowed to celebrate them as man-made holidays. I can remember though always wondering why we did not celebrate Easter on Saturday, so to not have to break up the frivolity by having to go to church. How much simpler life was as a child.
Once I joined the Episcopal Church I came to realize what a significance other religions put on Easter. Quite a difference from having grown up being taught that yes we are supposed to celebrate the Lord’s resurrection, but we should do that every first day of the week. Now that I am not affiliated with any religion, I think Easter means more to me than ever before. I look at it as a day of renewal after a long, dark winter. A day to celebrate not only the sacrifice that Christ gave for us, but also all the miracles of life God has granted us.
My life right now is not in the best place. New rumors at work have us moving to a new building in July. This new building only holds about 200 people, which would mean around 80 of us would be losing our jobs between now and then. While I do not think I would be one of those at this point, it still makes a dismal working environment even darker. This new building is also about 15 miles from my house, as opposed to the 2 mile commute I have now. While my life away from work is actually in a good place right now, the worries of my job keep me from enjoying my free time.
What I would ask for myself during this time of celebration and renewal is the ability to forget the hassles of work as I walk out the door. To have the capability to close off my mind to things I have no control over would be a true miracle. To be able to enjoy my family, my friends, and this beautiful time of the year without this constant nagging in the back of my head would be true peace. During this time when we are celebrating Christ dying and being resurrected to save our souls, I pray for a little peace for my heart and my mind as well. May the peace of God be with us all!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Friends In The Computer Age
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
For the last two weeks my internet has been down at my house. Actually had that occurred a few months ago, I would have hardly noticed. Times they are a changin’ though. I use to when thinking about keeping up with my friends would either have a long phone call or plan a lunch date, now it seems e-mails and facebook chat has come to rule my life. Is this a good thing or not? Martin would certainly say it has been bad since he had to buy a new pc since I never let him use our old one anymore.
It amazes me that with some of my closest friends my interaction is 90% on-line. I share thoughts and emotions with these people that I have always had problems sharing with friends in the past. I can only guess that the introvert in me has finally found this great way to be able to express himself without actual face-to-face or voice-to-voice contact. I have always found it easy to write down feelings that I would never be able to actually say to anyone. Internet chat has provided me a way to do that while actually sharing those thoughts with someone. Of course the problem is that there are times when I do have to interact personally with these friends, and when I do I am even more nervous and embarrassed than usual realizing how much they know about me.
Right now other than my partners, there are four people that I consider to be close friends. These are people that at one time or another I have shared things with that I would never dare share with my other friends. These are four men that I have such great love for that at times it scares the hell out of me. Each of them, though most do not realize it, has found a way to capture a part of my heart that leaves me feeling so vulnerable. I think with most people I am great at putting on this ‘cold bastard’ act, but in actuality I am so extremely sensitive. I worry constantly about how other people perceive me. Having these people who not only see some of the brightest parts of me, but also some of my darkest corners can really at times cause me fear. While I consider myself to be trustworthy, I have never been one who was able to easily trust others. I am now trying my best to combat these fears and allow myself to be more open. It is not an easy thing to do!
When Jesus compares our love for our friends with His love for us, it hardly seems fair. While most of us would like to think we would give up our lives for our friends, I think in reality giving a kidney might be further than most people would be willing to go. I believe though that in being willing to share those special private parts of ourselves we are in one way laying down our lives. When you have faith enough to completely expose a part of your soul to someone else… well to me that is the meaning of true friendship.
For the last two weeks my internet has been down at my house. Actually had that occurred a few months ago, I would have hardly noticed. Times they are a changin’ though. I use to when thinking about keeping up with my friends would either have a long phone call or plan a lunch date, now it seems e-mails and facebook chat has come to rule my life. Is this a good thing or not? Martin would certainly say it has been bad since he had to buy a new pc since I never let him use our old one anymore.
It amazes me that with some of my closest friends my interaction is 90% on-line. I share thoughts and emotions with these people that I have always had problems sharing with friends in the past. I can only guess that the introvert in me has finally found this great way to be able to express himself without actual face-to-face or voice-to-voice contact. I have always found it easy to write down feelings that I would never be able to actually say to anyone. Internet chat has provided me a way to do that while actually sharing those thoughts with someone. Of course the problem is that there are times when I do have to interact personally with these friends, and when I do I am even more nervous and embarrassed than usual realizing how much they know about me.
Right now other than my partners, there are four people that I consider to be close friends. These are people that at one time or another I have shared things with that I would never dare share with my other friends. These are four men that I have such great love for that at times it scares the hell out of me. Each of them, though most do not realize it, has found a way to capture a part of my heart that leaves me feeling so vulnerable. I think with most people I am great at putting on this ‘cold bastard’ act, but in actuality I am so extremely sensitive. I worry constantly about how other people perceive me. Having these people who not only see some of the brightest parts of me, but also some of my darkest corners can really at times cause me fear. While I consider myself to be trustworthy, I have never been one who was able to easily trust others. I am now trying my best to combat these fears and allow myself to be more open. It is not an easy thing to do!
When Jesus compares our love for our friends with His love for us, it hardly seems fair. While most of us would like to think we would give up our lives for our friends, I think in reality giving a kidney might be further than most people would be willing to go. I believe though that in being willing to share those special private parts of ourselves we are in one way laying down our lives. When you have faith enough to completely expose a part of your soul to someone else… well to me that is the meaning of true friendship.
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