Friends In The Computer Age

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

For the last two weeks my internet has been down at my house. Actually had that occurred a few months ago, I would have hardly noticed. Times they are a changin’ though. I use to when thinking about keeping up with my friends would either have a long phone call or plan a lunch date, now it seems e-mails and facebook chat has come to rule my life. Is this a good thing or not? Martin would certainly say it has been bad since he had to buy a new pc since I never let him use our old one anymore.

It amazes me that with some of my closest friends my interaction is 90% on-line. I share thoughts and emotions with these people that I have always had problems sharing with friends in the past. I can only guess that the introvert in me has finally found this great way to be able to express himself without actual face-to-face or voice-to-voice contact. I have always found it easy to write down feelings that I would never be able to actually say to anyone. Internet chat has provided me a way to do that while actually sharing those thoughts with someone. Of course the problem is that there are times when I do have to interact personally with these friends, and when I do I am even more nervous and embarrassed than usual realizing how much they know about me.

Right now other than my partners, there are four people that I consider to be close friends. These are people that at one time or another I have shared things with that I would never dare share with my other friends. These are four men that I have such great love for that at times it scares the hell out of me. Each of them, though most do not realize it, has found a way to capture a part of my heart that leaves me feeling so vulnerable. I think with most people I am great at putting on this ‘cold bastard’ act, but in actuality I am so extremely sensitive. I worry constantly about how other people perceive me. Having these people who not only see some of the brightest parts of me, but also some of my darkest corners can really at times cause me fear. While I consider myself to be trustworthy, I have never been one who was able to easily trust others. I am now trying my best to combat these fears and allow myself to be more open. It is not an easy thing to do!

When Jesus compares our love for our friends with His love for us, it hardly seems fair. While most of us would like to think we would give up our lives for our friends, I think in reality giving a kidney might be further than most people would be willing to go. I believe though that in being willing to share those special private parts of ourselves we are in one way laying down our lives. When you have faith enough to completely expose a part of your soul to someone else… well to me that is the meaning of true friendship.