Two of Hearts?

“A wise man's heart is at his right hand; but a fool's heart at his left." Ecclesiastes 10:2

For practically all my life I have had what could be called a queer heart. Now by that I do not mean the fact that I am gay, because I think my heart would be considered different by even most gay standards. I have never seemed to be able to give it to just one person!

During all my high school and college years I dated three different girls, but at the same time I was in a long-term relationship with a boy. Now at this point in his life he would keel over if he thought I had considered our special friendship to be boyfriends, but that is truly what it was. While I felt committed to each of the girls as we were dating, still William held on to a large piece of my heart.

Then at age 24 when I got into my very first long-term adult relationship it was not with just one man, but two. Lee and Martin had been living together for six years before I came crashing into their lives. While the first couple of years were certainly rocky, the three of us finally settled into what was more of an “Ozzie and Harriet” type life than most straight, married couples ever enjoy. For fifteen years up until Lee’s death the three of us lived and loved together. Then Martin and I only lasted as a ‘regular’ couple for a little more than a year before Joe snuck into our lives. Now for the last eight years I have once again been living as part of a threesome.

Now most people would think it impossible to give your heart to two different people at the same time, but for me it seems impossible to not do so. Truthfully even outside of my primary partnerships other people have come along and taken chunks of my heart. Now I am not saying I had sexual relationships with all these people. I do not equate sex with love. While everyone I have had sex with in my life I have loved as a friend, they have not necessarily been given a part of my heart. Then there are others whom I have never touched in a sexual way who happen to own a large piece of my heart. There is one friend whom I had relations with on numerous occasions yet never once felt true love toward. There is another man that for years I was both emotionally and physically close to whom will always hold a part of my heart even though we will never be actual partners in life. Over the last six months another guy has come out of nowhere to stake a claim to a portion of my heart. I doubt seriously I will ever have any type of physical relationship with him, but our emotional ties have grown extremely strong.

God tells us that a wise man’s heart leads him to make correct choices, while a fool’s heart leads him to make wrong ones. I am not sure which way my heart would be classified? I have certainly made both types in my life! So here we are at another Valentine’s Day where I will give cards and gifts to just my two beautiful life partners. Still while I will not be showing it with outward signs of affection, I will be giving my heart to a few others. You know who you are…