Sweet Charity

“And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” I Corinthians 13:13

How easily the words ‘I love you’ seem to flow out of a person’s mouth, but what do they actually mean. It is almost impossible to find a definitive meaning for the word ‘love’. People use it to define their feelings for a house, a pet, a family member, a friend, or a partner. In each of these examples the word means something completely different to the person saying it. The ancient Greeks used four different words to describe what we Americans call love. How much easier it might be to express ourselves if we also used four different words.

I grew up in a home where the word was rarely used. My sister and I certainly knew our parents loved us, but it was rarely said. Perhaps that has a lot to do with the fact that I have in my adult life always gone out of the way to say it to the people who mean the most to me. I have never said it to very many people, but to the ones I care about the most I probably say it much too often. I know at least that it seems to scare some of the people to whom I say it.

Someone I care a great deal for asked me recently if I was sure the love I felt for him was a ‘healthy’ love. The question really surprised me because I did not realize you could feel ‘unhealthy’ love. Here was a prime example to me of how much easier it would be to explain ourselves if we did not use one word to describe so many different emotions. I found myself left with the dilemma of whether I should continue telling him I love him even knowing it makes him uncomfortable, or should I keep my feelings for him locked inside my shell?

There are other people in my life who tell me they love me, yet they flit in and out of my life like a sparrow from limb to limb. Maybe I expect too much from friendship more than most people are capable of giving. I never expect more though than I am willing to give back. Perhaps rather than love, it is my definition of the meaning of friendship that is so radically different from other people.

Paul in his letter describes love as the greatest of the three for without love there would be no faith or hope. Love seems the easiest of the three to achieve, but the hardest to understand. With faith one must be able to take a blind leap, with hope one must be able to think positively, but love just appears from nowhere to take over one’s heart. I have never given love easily, but once I do it is overwhelming. Perhaps I need to find a happy medium…