Losing My Religion

“Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you.” Romans 16:16

Thus far I have begun each of my blogs with a bible quotation. While I probably will not keep that practice up forever, it has helped me keep my mind concentrated on what I would like to write. Since I am quoting the bible quite a bit in my blogs, I thought it would be good to share my religious background. I was raised in what I think most people would consider the strictest religion – the church of Christ.

The church of Christ believes that the New Testament completely supersedes the Old Testament. They also follow Revelations 22: 18-19 to the letter: “For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.” Personally, while I feel that those particular verses only mean the book of Revelations, the church of Christ thinks they mean the entire New Testament. They believe that the New Testament as is was completely inspired by God. That it is His law to be followed to the letter.

Growing up in the church was a mixed blessing – it instilled into me a strong moral code of which I am thankful for having, but also tried to convince me that I would be going to hell for just living my life. Having known I was gay practically all my life, it made it almost impossible for me as a child to reconcile the feelings I had with the beliefs my parents and the church tried to force on me. My father died believing his son was living in sin, while my mom still will not admit to herself that her son is gay. The church not only messed with my head as a child, but kept my parents and myself from ever having a close relationship.

I stopped going to church when I was 18, and did not return to an organized religion until I turned 33. Finally I thought I had found a religion in the Episcopal church that accepted me the way God made me. I started for the first time in my life to enjoy going to church, but 9 years later something else happened to once again turn me away from organized religion. When what should have been a happy day for me, a gay man was made a bishop in the church, the dean of the cathedral I was attending hung a black flag out in front of the church building to show his disdain for the decision. Once again I felt I had been betrayed by religion.

Now 5 years have passed since I attended religious services on a consistent basis. I have such a strong belief in God that I feel the need to find a church to worship Him, but I just have no idea where I would feel welcome. It certainly will not be in the church I was brought up in for there I know I will never be accepted. I find it almost funny that two male members of that church would never kiss each other, when the very verse they use to take the name of their church from instructs them to always greet each other with a kiss. I am not sure if it will be the Episcopal church either, though I have yet to write them off completely because of the actions of one congregation. While I may never find a church that I am comfortable attending, I do have complete faith that in Jesus’ eyes my being gay is not a sin.

I sit here on the Lord’s Day writing this just hoping for inspiration, but though I may have lost my religion…I know I have not lost my soul.